neilisa.geo
sky's Cancer Blog
October 23, 2007
| How Hard Is It to Ask For Help? | Views: 251 |
I’m sure a lot of you have run into this problem. Because we’re in the fight of our lives, there comes a time or two where we need to ask for help. Well, I’m finding it difficult to ask for help. I’ve always found it hard to ask for help.
My friends are forever offering their help for this or that, but I find myself automatically saying, “No, no, I’m fine,” or “I can manage.” It’s been hard for me to accept help and even gifts but at the same time, I’m deeply grateful for the love and help I’ve received. However, this becomes even more difficult when I find myself selling my stuff to raise money for those blasted medical bills.
For example, I’m selling some of my things on a popular auction site. My best friend has suggested I mention that I’m raising money to pay off the medical bills. My first reaction is, “Heck no! I don’t want people to buy my stuff because they pity me.” Of course, that’s kind of hypocritical on my part, dontcha think? I can’t just bring myself to put down on the profile that “Oh, byyyy the waaayyyyy, I’m battling cancer so I’m selling the stuff to raise money for meeeeddddiccccalllll biiillllssss.” LOL
Of course, if I put it that way, they’d think I was on something…which of course, they’re right! I am on a few somethings! LOL
I think I have too much pride…which is NOT good. I need to just be content with asking for help and be grateful for receiving it, right?
Right! I’m so glad I made this blog entry. Thanks so much for reading it. I feel so much better now. :-)
02.08.08 - 
Juliette Randall 
Cameron Bethuram 
MO 
Thanks for your support -
This exact question was brought up in a support group for people dealing with cancer. Like you everytime someone said is there anything I can do I and others in the group would say no thanks I’m fine.
But heres the thing. You know how if you do something for someone you felt great. You are taking that away from them. Now, there are some that offer but don’t really mean it. But the ones that truly want to offer if you can find something for them to do that they feel they are really helping you out in some way. They would feel fantastic. Once I made that change in my head from “I don’t want to put anyone out” to how can I help them feel fantastic about themselves for helping me with something. That changed. Now, I can always think of something someone can do to help. Hope this helps…Donna
Ok, I did it. I added the following to all my items’ listings.
My personal reasons for selling my collection is that I’m battling Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. I’m attempting to raise money to pay off my medical bills.
I’m not sure if it was on this blog or another site that someone discussed whether it was right to use the “cancer card”. My husband has already used it for me many times. For example, he will say to the auto repair shop, we have to have the car repairs completed before Friday. My wife has cancer and we must get to her chemo therapy treatments on Friday. Is that wrong? Once I might have been unsure, but now I know that we can’t afford the over $60 round trip to the medical center in a cab. Before cancer, I actually believed that, if I ever had cancer (not that I ever would have cancer), I wouldn’t let anyone know about it. Now, it doesn’t bother me that people know and I freely tell people. I use the “cancer card” also. I’m fighting to get full Medicaid coverage. I use my stage 4 cancer to get through to whom I need to speak to.
Don’t let this bother you any more. What you did was right.
I had this same problem. Being emotionally stoic is what I call it. I try to do everything myself and not show any emotions. I really needed help but wasn’t sure what to ask for. I have added the question of what friends and family can do to help you out in the profile section. You can see the answers here. Hoping some day this will be a good list to send to friends and family so they have a some ideas on what to do to help someone with cancer.
http://www.blogforacure.com/frontend/pages/howtohelp.php
Love! Jill
Grace, I’ll let you know about the Avastin. The way my oncologist explained it to me was that it had no side effects like hair loss or nausea but it can take your life quickly if you aren’t monitored correctly.
They are watching my blood pressure closely. I have been told that I may well develop high blood pressure and have to be on strong medication for that.
Did they tell you how much each dose of Avastin costs?
Any way, I’ll keep you updated.
Thanks for the kind words Grace. I found that my blogs were getting me even more depressed than I was on my own. I feel the need to write things down and make contact with others. But, I can try and look at the humorous side of things. When I’m going through something that’s frustrating it usually turns out to have some sort of humor after the fact. The medical center that I go to seems to excel sometimes in that arena. But they are good people and mean well. How many other places would have a receptionist that actually cared that you look ill when you are going in for treatment?
Well, to be honest, I hope that every medical center has such people.
How are you doing? Let us know.
You are always in my thoughts and prayers.